Someone Always Offers a Fix

Help people feel heard before offering advice.

Someone shares a struggle, and another person immediately offers suggestions, a personal story, or a Bible verse to solve it. They may sincerely want to help, but the person sharing can feel rushed, misunderstood, or reluctant to open up again.

As a leader, help your group learn to listen, understand, and pray before moving toward advice.

Set the expectation early

When you discuss how your group will care for one another, explain that sharing a need isn’t always a request for solutions.

You might say:

“When someone shares something difficult, let’s listen and make sure they feel heard before offering ideas. We can ask what would be helpful rather than assume.”

Model this yourself. Leaders can fall into fixing just as easily as anyone else.

Slow down the advice in the moment

If suggestions begin before someone has finished sharing, gently interrupt.

Try:

• “Let’s give them a little more room to finish.”

• “Before we offer ideas, let’s make sure we understand.”

• “I appreciate your desire to help. Let’s listen first and ask what would be useful.”

Keep your response warm and brief. Your immediate task is to guide the room and make space for the person sharing.

Ask what kind of support they want

Invite the person to name what would help:

“Would you like us to listen and pray, or would you welcome some ideas?”

If they want to be heard, honor that. If they welcome suggestions, keep the conversation manageable rather than letting everyone offer a solution at once.

Encourage members to speak humbly from their experience: “Something that helped me was…” rather than “What you need to do is…”

Use Scripture thoughtfully

Scripture is central to how we care for and encourage one another. Take time to understand someone’s experience before offering a passage or explaining how it applies.

Avoid using a verse to close down grief, uncertainty, or honest questions. You can acknowledge pain, pray, and explore Scripture together without pretending that a difficult situation has a quick answer.

Follow up privately if the pattern continues

If someone repeatedly jumps in with advice, speak with them outside the gathering. Describe what you’ve noticed without calling them “the fixer.”

You might say:

“I appreciate how much you want to help people. I’ve noticed that when someone shares a struggle, suggestions sometimes come before they’ve finished. I want us to help people feel heard first. Would you help me by asking what kind of support they want before offering advice?”

Ask for their perspective and listen. Avoid assuming you know what motivates their behavior.

Agree on a simple practice: pause, listen, and ask permission before offering suggestions.

Know when the need requires more support

Some situations need care beyond what the group can provide. Avoid letting a discussion turn into group counseling or advice about matters members aren’t equipped to address.

Use Your Role and Limits in Caring for People and When to Contact Anna for guidance on involving additional support.

Reinforce a culture of listening

Notice and encourage thoughtful responses: someone asking a gentle question, sitting with another person’s pain, or following up with practical care.

Your group can learn that being helpful includes listening patiently and remaining present when there isn’t an easy answer.

Healthy + Transformational Group Indicators

Recognize growth and identify where your group needs attention.

T-Life Groups exist to help people grow in relationship with Jesus, connect meaningfully in community, and impact people for Jesus.

These indicators describe the kind of growth we’re pursuing together. Use them to reflect on your group, celebrate what God is doing, and identify where intentional leadership or additional support could help.

Growth takes time. Look for patterns and progress rather than expecting every indicator to be fully developed at once.

Growing in a Relationship with Jesus

• People are surrendering their lives to Jesus and taking next steps to follow Jesus.

• The group is helping, inspiring, empowering, and holding one another accountable to follow Jesus.

• People are growing in their passion for, understanding of, and application of the Bible.

• The group prays with, for, and over one another.

• People are taking next steps of engagement within the church.

Reflect: Where do you see people responding to Jesus? How is your group helping members live out what they’re learning? Who might need encouragement or a personal conversation about their Next Steps?

Connecting in Community

• People are committed to one another and the group.

• People are experiencing belonging and community within Relevant Community Church.

• Authentic relationships are forming and flourishing.

• People remain united in Christ when there is disagreement—practicing unity in community and unity over agreement.

• The group cares for one another and meets one another’s needs.

• The group is loving one another just as Christ first loved us.

Reflect: Who feels connected, and who might still be on the edges? How are people caring for one another beyond gatherings? What happens when members disagree?

Impacting People for Jesus

• The group is engaging in the life and mission of Relevant together.

• The group is helping each other “Reach One” for Jesus.

• New people are joining the group.

• The group is reproducing.

Reflect: How is your group looking beyond itself? Are members encouraging one another to Reach One? How are you welcoming new people and preparing others for leadership so more people can experience community?

Turn reflection into thoughtful action

After reviewing the indicators, identify:

One area to celebrate.
Name a specific example of growth. Encourage your group by sharing what you’ve noticed while respecting personal information.

One area to strengthen.
Choose a focused action rather than trying to address everything at once. You might protect time for prayer, check in with someone who seems disconnected, or invite a potential apprentice into a leadership opportunity.

Any support you need.
Talk with your coach or Anna about questions, concerns, or opportunities. You don’t have to decide how to respond on your own.

Return to these indicators during the trimester and notice what is changing.

Find help for what you notice

Use the Leader HQ to explore the area that needs attention:

• Help Your Group Put Faith into Practice: Connect Scripture with everyday life.

• Following Up After Group: Continue caring beyond the conversation.

• Commitment and Attendance: Encourage consistent connection and participation.

• Protecting Unity: Care for one another through differences.

• When Your Group Needs a Reset: Revisit the Group Agreement and renew your shared purpose.

Keep the larger purpose in view: people growing in relationship with Jesus, connecting in community, and impacting others for Him.

When Your Group Needs a Reset

Revisit expectations and renew your shared purpose.

Sometimes a group develops patterns that make connection and growth harder. Attendance becomes inconsistent, conversations lose focus, or a few people carry most of the responsibility.

A reset gives your group an opportunity to pause, name what needs attention, and agree on how to move forward together. You don’t have to wait until things are falling apart.

Notice what needs attention

Look for patterns across several gatherings rather than drawing conclusions from one difficult evening.

You might notice:

• People seem disconnected or unsure whether they belong.

• Attendance and communication have become inconsistent.

• Discussion regularly drifts away from Scripture and application.

• A few voices dominate while others rarely participate.

• Group members rely on the leader for nearly every responsibility.

• Shared expectations are unclear or no longer being practiced.

Be specific about what you’re seeing. “We’ve started late for the past few gatherings” gives you something concrete to address.

Decide whether this needs a group conversation

A shared pattern may need a conversation with the whole group. A concern involving one person may be better addressed privately first.

Avoid using a group reset to indirectly correct or embarrass someone. If there has been significant hurt, broken trust, or ongoing conflict, talk with your Network Lead or Anna before planning the conversation.

Safety concerns require the response described in When to Contact Anna, rather than a group reset.

Prepare with humility

Pray for your group and consider your own contribution to the pattern. Have you communicated clearly, followed through, and modeled the expectations you’re asking others to practice?

Choose one or two concerns to focus on. You don’t need to address everything at once.

Let people know in advance that you’ll spend part of an upcoming gathering reflecting on how the group is doing. Prepare a few questions and have the Group Agreement available.

Begin with purpose and appreciation

Remind people why your group exists and name something you appreciate about the community you’re building.

You might say:

“I’m grateful for the relationships we’re building here. I’d like us to spend some time talking about how our group is doing and what would help us grow in following Jesus together. I’ve noticed that we often run out of time for prayer, and I want us to think together about how to make room for it.”

Describe what you’ve noticed without assigning motives or labeling the group. If you need to own something, say so plainly.

Review the Group Agreement together

Give everyone a copy of the T-Life Group Agreement and walk through its commitments together. Take time to discuss what each one looks like in your group today.

You might introduce it this way:

“This agreement describes the kind of community we’ve committed to building together. Let’s revisit it, celebrate where we’re living it out, and be honest about where we need to renew our commitment.”

Review the commitments to staying connected, cultivating relationships, sharing ownership, providing care, authenticity, confidentiality, respect, and unity. When discussing confidentiality, include the three hurts exception and when leaders must involve appropriate help.

For each commitment, ask:

• “Where are we doing this well?”

• “Where have we drifted or become unclear?”

• “What would practicing this commitment look like for us now?”

Make room for everyone to contribute. Listen without becoming defensive, and keep the conversation focused on shared responsibility. Concerns about a specific person should be addressed privately rather than debated by the group.

Renew your commitment and make a practical plan

After reviewing the agreement, invite everyone to consider their willingness and ability to live out these commitments.

Ask:

“Are these commitments clear, and is there anything we need to talk through before we recommit to them together?”

Give people room to raise questions or practical barriers. If someone has concerns they don’t want to discuss publicly, offer to connect afterward.

Then choose one or two specific actions that will help your group practice the agreement more consistently. For example:

• Staying connected: Communicate absences ahead of time and check in with one another between gatherings.

• Sharing ownership: Invite members to help with hospitality, prayer, or practical preparation.

• Demonstrating respect: Leave room for others to speak and listen without interrupting.

• Providing care: Protect time for prayer and follow up on needs with permission.

Confirm your meeting details, identify who will help with the agreed actions, and decide when you’ll check in on your progress. Make sure everyone has access to the agreement afterward.Follow through together

Send a brief recap of the changes without repeating sensitive comments from the conversation.

Practice the commitments yourself and follow up where needed. After a few gatherings, ask what is improving and what still needs attention.

Recognize progress. If the same concerns continue, involve your coach or Anna rather than repeating the reset without additional support.

Keep caring as you lead change

A reset is an opportunity to strengthen the community you’re building together. Stay clear about expectations while remaining curious about what people are experiencing.

You can lead this conversation with humility, care, and support from others.

Protecting Unity

Keep Jesus central and care for one another through differences.

T-Life Groups bring together people with different experiences, personalities, and perspectives. Unity grows as we follow Jesus together, treat one another with respect, and stay connected to the mission at Relevant.

As a leader, help your group make room for honest questions while protecting the relationships and purpose you share.

Keep your shared purpose visible

Remind your group why you gather: to grow in relationship with Jesus, connect meaningfully in community, and impact people for Jesus.

Return to that purpose when conversations begin pulling the group in another direction.

You might say:

“Let’s bring this back to how we’re following Jesus and caring for one another.”

Make room for differences

People can ask questions, express uncertainty, and see something differently while remaining committed to one another.

Model curiosity before correction. Ask people to explain what they mean, listen carefully, and bring the conversation back to Scripture.

Try:

• “Help me understand what you mean.”

• “What in the passage leads you to that understanding?”

• “How can we talk about this respectfully, even if we see it differently?”

If a question involves Relevant’s beliefs or ministry direction and you’re unsure how to answer, follow up with Anna rather than guessing.

Redirect divisive conversations

The Group Agreement makes clear that political debates, gossip, and divisive arguments can pull the group away from Jesus and its purpose.

When that happens, respond calmly and directly:

“I’m going to pause us here. We’ve agreed to keep our group focused on Jesus and avoid political debates. Let’s return to our discussion.”

Or:

“We can disagree without criticizing one another. Let’s slow down and listen.”

Address the conversation early instead of waiting until people become more frustrated.

If the conversation continues to devolve, don’t hesitate to stop and lead the group in prayer.

Address hurt rather than avoiding it

Protecting unity includes responding when someone has been dismissed, embarrassed, or treated unkindly. Moving on without

Commitment and Attendance

Encourage consistent connection and participation.

Relationships deepen when people show up, participate, and invest in one another. Consistent attendance helps your group build trust and grow together.

As a leader, communicate expectations clearly and respond to absences with curiosity and care. Help people understand that their presence matters.

Inconsistent members can cause disruption to the group, so its important to address it with intentionality and care.

Explain why commitment matters

When you discuss the Group Agreement, connect attendance with the purpose of your group.

You might say:

“Getting to know one another takes time together. When you’re here, you bring something valuable to the group, and your presence helps us build those relationships.”

Encourage members to make group a priority while recognizing that illness, work, family responsibilities, and unexpected circumstances sometimes interfere.

Make communication simple

Confirm your meeting schedule, start and end times, and location. Let people know how you’ll communicate changes.

Ask members to notify you or the group chat ahead of time when they can’t attend, whenever possible. They don’t need to share personal details publicly to explain an absence.

Model the same consideration by communicating clearly and respecting the agreed meeting times.

Check in when someone is absent

Reach out personally so they know they were missed. Start with connection rather than asking them to justify why they weren’t there.

Try:

“We missed you last night! How are you doing?”

Or:

“Just checking in—anything we can be praying about this week?”

If appropriate, share a brief update about the study or upcoming plans. Keep other members’ personal stories and prayer requests private unless you have permission to share them.

Get curious about a pattern

If someone repeatedly misses gatherings or stops responding, invite a private conversation. Avoid assuming that inconsistent attendance means they don’t care.

Ask:

• “How has being part of the group been for you?”

• “Is something making it difficult to attend?”

• “Are the meeting time and expectations workable for you?”

• “Is there anything about the group experience we should talk through?”

Listen for practical barriers, a difficult season, uncertainty about belonging, or concerns that need attention.

Agree on a realistic next step

Once you understand more, talk honestly about what participation could look like.

A next step might be clarifying the schedule, arranging a ride if someone can help, addressing a concern, or agreeing on how to stay connected during a temporary absence.

If the group’s schedule no longer works for someone, involve Anna in exploring options. Avoid promising a different group or arrangement before checking what’s available.

You can be compassionate while still naming the importance of consistent participation.

Make returning feel welcoming

When someone comes back after an absence, greet them warmly. Avoid jokes or public comments about how long they’ve been gone.

Help them reconnect with the discussion and the people around them. Continue inviting them into the life of the group without putting them on the spot.

Encourage shared ownership

Commitment includes how people participate when they’re present and how they care for one another between gatherings.

Invite members to contribute in manageable ways: welcoming someone, helping with refreshments, praying for another member, or participating in a group serving opportunity.

Let people know their contribution matters. Avoid using responsibilities to pressure someone into attending.

Know when to ask for help

Contact your Network Lead or Anna when a pattern continues, a conversation becomes difficult, or you’re unsure how to balance care with clear expectations.

Your role is to communicate, invite, listen, and follow up. Each person is responsible for their response.

Sometimes, members may need to withdraw until they can commit to regular attendance. That’s okay. We’re here to support you through that conversation if necessary.

Confidentiality and Trust

Handle personal information with care.

Trust grows when people know their stories will be treated respectfully. As a leader, help your group understand how to protect personal information—and when caring for someone means involving additional help.

Set expectations before people share

Discuss confidentiality when you introduce the Group Agreement. Revisit it when new members join and whenever your group needs a reminder.

Explain that personal stories, struggles, and prayer requests should not be repeated outside the group without permission. This includes sharing with a spouse, friend, another group, or on social media.

Avoid promising absolute secrecy. Relevant’s three hurts policy requires leaders to involve appropriate help when someone is hurting themselves, someone is hurting them, or they are hurting someone else. Read When to Contact Anna for what to do next.

Let people decide how much to share

Invite honesty without requiring personal disclosure. Someone can participate meaningfully while choosing to keep parts of their story private.

Ask thoughtful questions, but avoid pressing for details or asking someone to explain why they aren’t ready to share.

You can say: “Share what you’re comfortable sharing. It’s okay to pass.”

Ask before passing information along

Before sharing a prayer request or arranging help, ask what the person is comfortable having others know.

Try:

• “Would you like this included in the group text?”

• “What would you be comfortable with me sharing?”

• “May I ask a few people to help with meals without sharing the details?”

Permission to share something during a gathering does not automatically mean permission to repeat it elsewhere.

Use group messages thoughtfully

A group text is helpful for encouragement, logistics, and prayer. Remember that it may include people who weren’t present when something was shared.

Ask permission before posting personal updates, and avoid forwarding messages or sharing screenshots. Keep sensitive follow-up conversations private.

If you need Anna’s guidance, contact her directly rather than discussing the situation in a group thread.

Understand the three hurts exception

Relevant’s three hurts policy requires leaders to involve appropriate help when someone is hurting themselves, someone is hurting them, or they are hurting someone else.

These concerns should not remain only between you and the person sharing. Follow the emergency and reporting guidance in When to Contact Anna.

You might say:

“I’m glad you told me. I care about you, and this is something I can’t keep just between us. We need to involve people who can help.”

Share information with those who need it to respond and support the people involved. This exception is not permission to discuss the situation broadly.

Respond when trust is broken

If personal information is repeated without permission, address it rather than ignoring it.

Connect privately with the person whose information was shared. Listen to the impact and ask what support would be helpful. Avoid promising that you can control who has already heard it.

Speak directly with the person who shared the information. Clarify the expectation, ask them to stop passing it along, and help them take responsibility for the harm. If you were the person who shared it, acknowledge that honestly and apologize.

Reach out to Anna when the situation is sensitive, the harm continues, or you need help deciding how to respond.

Protect trust through your example

Speak respectfully about group members when they aren’t present. Avoid using someone’s story as an illustration without permission, even if you leave out their name.

When you need guidance about an ordinary leadership question, begin without identifying details where possible. When safety concerns or reporting responsibilities are involved, provide the information needed to get appropriate help.

Consistent care with people’s information helps your group become a place where honesty, respect, and meaningful relationships can grow.

The T-Life Group Agreement

Set shared expectations for healthy community.

Healthy community grows when people understand what they’re committing to together. The T-Life Group Agreement helps your group talk about the relationships, participation, and care that support a healthy and transformational smaller community.

Use it when your group begins, when new people join, or whenever your group needs to revisit its shared expectations.

Read it together

Give everyone access to the agreement and make time to discuss it during a gathering. Explain that each person contributes to the group’s health.

You might introduce it this way:

“We want this to be a group where people can grow in following Jesus, build meaningful relationships, and care for one another. This agreement gives us a shared understanding of how we’ll do that together.”

Talk about what the commitments look like

The agreement covers staying connected, cultivating relationships, sharing ownership, providing care, fostering authenticity, confidentiality, respect, and unity.

Help people connect those commitments with everyday group life. Ask:

• “Which of these commitments stands out to you?”

• “What helps you feel comfortable participating?”

• “How can we care for one another between gatherings?”

• “What would it look like for everyone to share ownership of this group?”

Invite questions and make room for people to clarify what they’re agreeing to.

Explain confidentiality and its limits

Personal stories, struggles, and prayer requests should be handled with care. Ask before sharing someone’s information beyond the people they chose to tell.

Also explain Relevant’s three hurts policy: when someone is hurting themselves, someone is hurting them, or they are hurting someone else, leaders must involve appropriate help.

You can say:

“We respect one another’s privacy. But if someone’s safety is involved, I can’t promise to keep that just between us. We’ll involve the people who can help.”

Review When to Contact Anna for emergency guidance and reporting responsibilities. Make sure your group understands these limits before inviting deeply personal sharing.

Confirm the practical details

Complete the meeting details in the agreement together, including your meeting season, day, time, and location.

Discuss how members should communicate when they can’t attend. Encourage them to let the leader or group chat know ahead of time whenever possible.

Make sure everyone knows where to find the agreement afterward.

Return to it when needed

Revisit the agreement when new members join, at the beginning of a trimester, or when you notice a pattern that needs attention.

For a group-wide reminder, you might say:

“When we started, we agreed to make room for everyone to share. Let’s revisit what that looks like in our discussions.”

If a concern involves one person, consider a private conversation rather than using the agreement to correct them in front of the group. Ask your coach or Anna for help when you’re unsure how to approach it.

Model what you’re asking of others

Your example helps these commitments become part of the group’s culture. Arrive prepared, communicate clearly, listen respectfully, protect personal information, and follow through on care.

Keep inviting your group to practice these commitments together.

Following Up After Group

Continue caring beyond the conversation.

A thoughtful check-in lets someone know you heard them and care about what happens after the gathering ends. You don’t need a perfect message or a solution. Start with personal, consistent attention.

Reach out personally

When someone shares something difficult, check in soon afterward rather than waiting until the next gathering. A text, phone call, or invitation to connect can open the door.

You might say:

• “Thank you for sharing last night. How are you doing today?”

• “I’ve been thinking about what you shared. How can I pray for you this week?”

• “Would it be helpful to talk, or would you prefer some space right now?”

Use a private message rather than the group thread for sensitive conversations. Keep your wording simple, especially when you’re unsure who might see their messages.

Listen for what would be helpful

People may need different kinds of support at different times. Ask before assuming what they need.

Try: “What would feel most helpful right now—someone to listen, practical help, prayer, or help connecting with additional support?”

Give them room to respond honestly. If they don’t know, offer one manageable option: “Would a meal on Thursday help?”

Follow through on what you offer

Be specific about what you can do and when. If you offer to call, bring a meal, or help someone connect with the Care Team, follow through.

Avoid promising more than you can sustain. If your availability changes, communicate clearly and help identify another option when possible.

Reliable, small acts of care help build trust.

Invite the group to share in care

With the person’s permission, invite others to help meet a practical need. Group members might provide meals, offer transportation, or check in with encouragement.

Ask what information the person is comfortable sharing. Someone can help without knowing every detail of the situation.

For example: “Would you be comfortable with me asking a few people to help with meals? What would you like me to tell them?”

Help them connect with additional support

If you discussed connecting with Relevant’s Care Team, follow up gently:

“Were you able to connect, or would you like help taking that step?”

Offer to sit with them while they reach out if that would be helpful. You can continue offering friendship, prayer, and encouragement as they receive additional care.

If you’re unsure what to do next, contact Anna for guidance.

Respect privacy and know its limits

Ask before sharing updates, prayer requests, or personal details with others. Avoid turning someone’s situation into a recurring group discussion without their permission.

Remember Relevant’s three hurts policy: concerns about someone hurting themselves, being hurt by someone, or hurting someone else require appropriate help. Follow the guidance in When to Contact Anna rather than treating those concerns as an ordinary follow-up conversation.

Keep checking in without creating pressure

Some needs continue long after the first conversation. Ask what kind of ongoing connection would be welcome.

Try: “Would it be helpful if I checked in again next week?”

If someone doesn’t reply to a routine check-in, give them room. A later message can simply communicate care without asking them to explain their silence.

You don’t need to ask about the difficult situation every time you connect. Continue including them in the everyday life of the group.

Care faithfully without carrying the outcome

Your role is to offer care, keep your commitments, and help people connect with support. You cannot control their choices or how quickly their circumstances change.

Stay connected with your coach, Network Lead and Anna when you need guidance. Consistent care grows through thoughtful, sustainable actions over time.

When to Contact Anna

Recognize when you need additional support.

You don’t have to navigate a difficult situation alone. Reach out when you need guidance, someone needs additional care, or you’re unsure what to do next.

In an emergency, get immediate help first

Call 911 if someone is in immediate danger, a suicide attempt is underway, or there is a medical emergency. Do not wait for a response from Anna or the Care Team.

For suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, or help supporting someone in crisis, call or text 988. You can contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline yourself when you’re worried about another person. 988 Lifeline guidance

If someone says they are going to kill themselves, do not leave them alone while help is being arranged, provided you can remain safely. Follow emergency responders’ instructions and do not put yourself or others in danger. National Institute of Mental Health guidance

After immediate help is underway, contact Anna as soon as it is safe to do so.

Understand the “Three Hurts”

At Relevant, confidentiality has limits when someone’s safety is involved. Leaders must involve appropriate help when someone shares physical abuse:

• “I’m hurting myself.”

• “Someone is hurting me.”

• “I’m hurting someone else.”

These concerns should not remain only between you and the person sharing. Respond to immediate danger first, fulfill any required reporting to authorities, and involve Anna promptly.

You can say:

“Thank you for telling me. I care about you, and this is something I can’t keep just between us. We need to involve people who can help.”

Share information only with those who need it to help protect and support the people involved. Avoid discussing the situation with the wider group.

Understand when a report to authorities is required

Relevant’s three hurts policy does not replace legal reporting requirements. Telling Anna or another church staff member is not a substitute for making a legally required report.

In Nebraska, anyone who has reason to believe a child has been abused or neglected must report the concern. Contact the Nebraska Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline at 800-652-1999. Do not wait for proof or church approval before reporting. Nebraska DHHS reporting guidance

Concerns about abuse, neglect, or exploitation of a vulnerable adult can also be reported through 800-652-1999. Legal reporting duties depend on the circumstances and the reporter’s role; Nebraska DHHS provides guidance through Adult Protective Services. Adult Protective Services

If the situation is outside Nebraska, use the appropriate local reporting agency and requirements. In immediate danger, call 911 first.

Reach out before you feel overwhelmed

Contact Anna when:

• Someone shares a need beyond what you feel equipped to handle.

• You’re unsure how to respond or connect someone with care.

• A group tension continues despite your efforts to address it.

• You have questions about confidentiality or what information to share.

• Someone’s needs are becoming more than you can sustainably carry.

• You need help thinking through a sensitive conversation.

You don’t have to wait until a concern becomes a crisis. Asking for guidance early is part of caring wisely.

Connect people with the Care Team

For ongoing support with grief, marriage or family struggles, mental health concerns, addiction, or hardship, help the person connect with Relevant’s Care Team.

Visit relevantcommunity.org/careteam, text NEED HELP to 55444, or contact Nick Petrick at nick@relevantcommunity.org.

These are pathways for ongoing care, not substitutes for emergency services.

How to contact Anna

Email: anna@relevantcommunity.org

Leaders who already have Anna’s personal number may also call or text her directly.

Briefly explain what happened, whether there is a current safety concern, and what help has already been contacted. Share sensitive details directly rather than in a group message.

For an emergency, do not rely on email, text, or voicemail to obtain immediate help.

Your Role and Limits in Caring for People

Understand what you can offer and when to involve others.

Caring for your group is an important part of shepherding. You can listen, pray, offer practical support, and help people connect with additional care.

You can take that responsibility seriously without carrying every need or feeling responsible for fixing someone’s situation.

What you can offer

Your presence and consistent care matter. As a leader, you can:

• Listen with compassion and without judgment.

• Pray with people and follow up on what they share.

• Help group members encourage and support one another.

• Coordinate practical help when appropriate, such as meals, helping with a move, or a thoughtful check-in.

• Help someone connect with Relevant’s Care Team.

• Ask your coach, Network Lead or Anna for guidance when you’re unsure.

Often, a helpful first response is simple: “I’m glad you told me. Let’s think about what support would be helpful.”

What you aren’t responsible for

You aren’t expected to:

• Have an answer for every question.

• Resolve someone’s grief, relationship struggles, or ongoing hardship, financial or otherwise.

• Provide professional counseling or treatment through your leadership role.

• Be someone’s only source of support.

• Be available at all hours.

• Make another person’s decisions or guarantee their growth.

Recognizing these limits helps you care consistently and connect people with support beyond what you can offer.

Share care within the group

Encourage members to care for one another rather than directing every need back to you.

With the person’s permission, invite others to help with a specific need. Someone might provide a meal, offer a ride, or check in during a difficult week.

Ask what would actually be helpful before organizing support. Respect what the person is comfortable sharing, and avoid making commitments on behalf of others.

Set clear and caring limits

Be honest about the time, availability, and help you can offer. Clear limits help people understand what to expect.

You might say:

• “I can talk tomorrow afternoon. Would that work for you?”

• “I care about what you’re going through, and I’d like to help you connect with additional support.”

• “I’m not equipped to guide you through this on my own. Let’s reach out to the Care Team.”

If someone’s needs are becoming more than you can sustainably carry, talk with Anna about a plan for support.

Involve additional care

Relevant’s Care Team is available to support people experiencing grief or loss, marriage or family crisis, mental health struggles, addiction, or ongoing hardship.

You don’t need to wait until you feel overwhelmed. Reach out when a situation is beyond what you feel equipped to handle.

You can say:

“We have a Care Team at Relevant that would love to support you. I can help you get connected if you’d like.”

Visit relevantcommunity.org/careteam, text NEED HELP to 55444, or contact Nick Petrick, Equipping Director, at nick@relevantcommunity.org.

Helping someone connect with additional support can happen alongside your continued friendship, prayer, and encouragement.

Get support for your own leadership

Pay attention when you feel stretched, uncertain, or weighed down by a situation. Your coach and Anna can help you think through your role and a practical next step.

If you’re unsure how to handle sensitive information, ask Anna for guidance. Avoid sharing someone’s story more broadly to gather opinions.

Contact Anna: anna@relevantcommunity.org

Faithful care includes knowing when to ask for help. Keep offering what you can with compassion and honesty, and invite others to help carry needs that extend beyond your role.

When Someone Shares Something Heavy

Listen well and respond with care.

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Someone in your group may share a loss, a marriage struggle, a mental health concern, or another painful situation. You may feel unsure what to say.

You don’t need to have every answer. Begin by listening, showing care, and helping them connect with support.

Pause and listen

Give the person your attention. Let them share without interrupting, rushing toward advice, or trying to explain why something happened.

You can ask a gentle question if it helps you understand, but avoid pressing for details—especially in front of the group.

A simple response can be enough:

“Thank you for telling us. I’m glad you shared that.”

Acknowledge what they’re carrying

Recognize the weight of what they’ve shared without assuming you know exactly how they feel.

You might say:

• “That sounds really difficult.”

• “Thank you for trusting us with this.”

• “You don’t have to have everything figured out to share with us.”

Avoid minimizing their experience, comparing it with someone else’s, or promising that everything will work out a certain way.

Help the group respond with care

If people begin offering quick solutions or asking for personal details, gently guide the conversation.

Try: “Let’s give them room to share without feeling like we need to solve this right now.”

Ask the person what would be helpful: “Would you like us to listen, pray with you, or help you connect with additional support?”

Allow them to choose how much they want to share. If a longer conversation would be helpful, offer to connect privately after group.

Offer prayer

Ask whether they would like prayer. Keep your prayer simple and attentive to what they’ve shared.

You don’t need to use the prayer to give advice or explain their situation. Ask God for comfort, wisdom, and support for the next step.

Connect them with support

Relevant’s Care Team can help support people experiencing grief or loss, marriage or family crisis, mental health struggles, addiction, or ongoing hardship.

Involve additional support whenever a situation is beyond what you feel equipped to handle.

You can say:

“We have a Care Team at Relevant that would love to support you. I can help you get connected if you’d like.”

To help them connect:

• Visit relevantcommunity.org/careteam.

• Text NEED HELP to 55444.

• Contact Nick Petrick, Equipping Director, at nick@relevantcommunity.org.

• For a Marriage in crisis, text MARRIAGE to 55444.

Offer to sit with them while they take the next step or check in afterward to see whether they were able to connect.

Follow up personally

After group, reach out with a simple message:

“Thank you again for sharing. How are you doing today, and what would be helpful?”

Ask before sharing their situation or prayer request more broadly, including in the group text. If you’re unsure how to handle sensitive information or what support to involve, reach out to Anna for guidance.

Reach out when you’re unsure

You don’t have to carry a difficult situation alone. Contact Anna when you need help thinking through your response or connecting someone with care.

Anna Thomas
anna@relevantcommunity.org

Help Your Group Put Faith into Practice

Connect Scripture with everyday life.

Meaningful discussion gives people an opportunity to consider how they’ll respond to Jesus. As a leader, help your group move from understanding a passage to putting it into practice.

A response can be small and specific. Leave room for people to recognize where God is inviting them to grow.

Make time for application

Leave enough time near the end of your discussion to consider how the Scripture connects with everyday life. Application deserves more than a rushed question as everyone is leaving.

Try asking:

• “What does this passage invite us to do or think about differently?”

• “Where does this connect with something you’re facing?”

• “What’s one way you could put this into practice this week?”

• “What might make that difficult, and what support would help?”

Keep the response connected to the passage rather than adding an unrelated challenge.

Help people make their response specific

A broad intention can be difficult to follow through on. When someone wants to grow in an area, gently help them identify a place to begin.

For example:

• “I want to pray more.” Set aside a few minutes before work to pray.

• “I want to encourage someone.” Reach out to a person who shared a difficult week.

• “I want to serve.” Identify a need and take one practical action to help.

Ask, “What could that look like for you this week?” Let the person name their own response instead of deciding it for them.

Recognize that people are at different places

Someone exploring faith may need room to ask an honest question. Another person may be ready to change a habit, begin serving, or have a difficult conversation.

Listen to where each person is and offer encouragement that fits. Avoid comparing people’s progress or expecting everyone to respond in the same way.

Invite people to share, but give them permission to reflect privately.

Pray about putting faith into practice

As you close, pray about what your group has discussed and how people want to respond.

Ask for wisdom, courage, and help to follow through. Encourage members to pray for one another during the week.

When someone shares something personal, ask before passing it along to others or adding it to the group text.

Follow up with interest and care

Use your connections between gatherings to revisit what people shared.

A simple message might be:

“Last week you mentioned wanting to make time for prayer. How has that been going?”

Or:

“You shared something you wanted to put into practice after our discussion. Is there any way I can encourage you?”

If someone hasn’t followed through, stay curious. Ask what got in the way and whether a smaller action or additional support would help.

Give people opportunities to share what they’re learning

At a future gathering, invite a brief reflection:

“Did anyone have an opportunity to put something from our last discussion into practice?”

Welcome stories of progress, difficulty, and learning. Thank people for being honest, and help the group notice how God is working in everyday life.

You can also consider an occasional shared response, such as serving together, caring for a group member, or practicing prayer together.

Encourage growth without carrying the outcome

Your role is to invite, encourage, pray, and follow up. Each person is responsible for their response, and you can trust God with their growth.

Keep pointing people toward Jesus and helping them live out what they’re learning.

Make Room for Every Voice

Navigate silence and encourage participation.

People bring different personalities, experiences, and comfort levels to a group. Some process out loud. Others need time to think before speaking.

Your role is to create room for people to contribute and help the group listen well to one another.

Set the expectation early

As you review your Group Agreement, explain that everyone’s contribution matters. Encourage members to listen without interrupting, leave space for others, and respond with respect.

You might say: “We want everyone to have an opportunity to share. Some of us may need to practice speaking up, and some of us may need to practice leaving room.”

Model that yourself by keeping your own responses focused and listening attentively.

Give people time to think

Silence doesn’t automatically mean a question has failed. People may be reflecting, finding words, or deciding whether they feel comfortable sharing.

After asking a question, pause before adding another question or answering it yourself.

If people seem unsure, simplify the question or invite them to look back at the passage: “Take a moment to read those verses again. What’s one thing you notice?”

For a more personal question, a brief moment to think or write can help people prepare to respond.

Invite quieter members gently

Make opportunities to participate without making someone feel singled out or tested.

Try:

• “We’ve heard a few perspectives. Would anyone who hasn’t shared like to add something?”

• “Take a moment to think about how this connects with your week.”

• “Would you like to share, or would you rather pass for now?”

As you get to know someone, check in privately: “I want to make sure you have room to contribute. Is there anything that would make discussion more comfortable for you?”

Quiet participation can still be meaningful. Keep building the relationship rather than measuring someone’s engagement only by how much they speak.

Redirect longer responses with warmth

When one person consistently takes most of the discussion time, help make room for others.

Look for a natural pause and say:

• “Thank you for sharing. Let’s hear from someone else, too.”

• “I’m going to pause us there so we have time for a few more voices.”

• “Let’s hear what others noticed in the passage.”

Be kind and clear. You can value someone’s contribution while setting a limit on how long they speak.

Help people feel heard before offering advice

Quick advice can make someone hesitant to share again. Encourage the group to listen, ask thoughtful questions, and pray before jumping to solutions.

You might say: “Before we offer suggestions, let’s make sure we understand what they’re sharing.”

Or ask the person: “Would it be helpful for us to listen and pray, or are you looking for ideas?”

Model a simple response such as, “Thank you for trusting us with that.”

Follow up when a pattern continues

If someone repeatedly interrupts, dominates, or dismisses others, address the pattern personally outside the gathering.

Describe what you’ve noticed without labeling the person:

“I appreciate your willingness to contribute. I’ve noticed that others sometimes don’t have much room to respond. Would you help me make space by pausing before adding another thought?”

Stay curious about their perspective, explain the effect on the group, and agree on a practical next step. Reach out to your coach or Anna if the pattern continues or you need help with the conversation.

Notice progress

Pay attention when someone shares for the first time, listens more carefully, or makes room for another person. Offer sincere encouragement without putting them on display.

A healthy discussion gives people opportunities to speak, time to reflect, and confidence that they’ll be treated with care.

Guide Meaningful Discussion

Ask thoughtful questions and keep conversation focused.

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A meaningful discussion helps people explore Scripture, learn from one another, and consider how to follow Jesus. Your role is to guide that process with preparation, thoughtful questions, and attentive listening.

Facilitate rather than lecture

You don’t need to explain every detail or answer every question yourself. Invite people to engage with Scripture and contribute to the conversation.

Use the 20/80 principle as a guide: speak or guide about 20 percent of the time, allowing group members to contribute the other 80 percent. This is a helpful reminder, not a stopwatch.

Offer context or clarification when needed, then return the conversation to the group.

Ask questions that open conversation

Choose questions that invite people to notice, reflect, and respond. Questions beginning with “what” or “how” often create more discussion than questions with a simple yes-or-no answer.

For example:

• “What stands out to you in this passage?”

• “What do we learn about Jesus here?”

• “What feels challenging about putting this into practice?”

Ask one question at a time and give people a moment to think. Avoid answering your own question immediately or filling every silence.

Follow up with curiosity

A thoughtful follow-up can help someone move beyond their first response. Listen to what they actually say before deciding what to ask next.

Try:

• “Can you tell us more about that?”

• “What in the passage leads you to that understanding?”

• “How does that connect with what you’re experiencing?”

• “What might that look like in everyday life?”

• “Does anyone else have a thought to add?”

Use follow-up questions to understand and explore. Avoid pressing someone to share more personally than they’re comfortable with.

Keep the conversation connected to Scripture

Help your group move through three simple steps:

Observation — What does the passage say?
Notice the people, events, repeated words, and details.

Interpretation — What does it mean?
Consider the surrounding context and what the author is communicating. Invite people to explain how their understanding connects with the passage.

Application — How will we respond?
Explore what the passage means for how people think, act, relate to others, and follow Jesus.

When an interpretation seems disconnected from the text, respond with curiosity: “Let’s look at that part again. How does it fit with what’s happening around it?”

Bring a wandering discussion back into focus

Some side conversations help people connect. Others pull the group away from the purpose of the discussion.

When it’s time to redirect, acknowledge the contribution and name where you’re going:

• “Thanks for sharing that. Let’s bring it back to the question.”

• “That’s a bigger topic than we can give time to tonight. Let’s connect afterward.”

• “I want to make sure we leave time to talk about how we’ll respond to this passage.”

You can redirect warmly and clearly without making someone feel embarrassed for contributing. I (Anna) tend to make a playful joke when we’ve wandered far off course. This usually leads to laughter and getting us back on track.

Respond calmly when tension rises

If conversation becomes argumentative, interrupt gently before it takes over.

You might say: “Let’s pause. We can ask questions and see things differently while still treating one another with respect.”

If political debate or another divisive topic pulls the group away from its purpose, remind everyone of the Group Agreement and return to the discussion.

Shepherd the room first. Follow up personally afterward when a concern needs more attention. Reach out to your coach, Network Lead or Anna for help with recurring tension or a situation you’re unsure how to handle.

Be honest when you don’t know

You don’t have to improvise an answer to a difficult question. In fact, we highly recommend you don’t.

Try: “That’s a good question, and I’m not sure. I’d like to look into it and follow up.”

You can invite observations from the passage, but avoid turning uncertainty into a guessing exercise. Ask your coach or Anna for guidance, and return to the question once you have helpful information.

Leave room for a response

Before you finish, ask: “What’s one thing you want to put into practice from this conversation?”

Allow people to respond without requiring everyone to share. Close by praying about what you’ve learned and the steps people want to take.

The goal is to help people engage with Scripture and respond to Jesus. Let that guide your choices about which questions to explore and when to move on.

Prepare for Your Gathering

Plan with purpose and make room for people.

A little preparation helps you arrive ready to listen, guide conversation, and care for your group. Use these steps each week, adapting them to your current study and the needs of your people.

Begin with prayer

Pray for the people in your group and what they’re carrying into the gathering. Ask God to help you listen well, recognize opportunities to encourage someone, and guide the conversation toward Jesus.

Consider whether someone needs a personal check-in before you meet.

Review this week’s resources

Read the latest leader communication and review sermon discussion questions, your current study, or Scripture passages you’re wanting to review. Note any announcements, preparation instructions, or upcoming experiences your group needs to know about.

If you’re following a study with weekly reading or activities, complete your own preparation before leading others through it.

Spend time in the Discussion Questions Focus Passage

If you’re using the sermon discussion questions, read the passage for yourself before focusing on the discussion questions. Consider:

• What is happening in this passage?

• What does the surrounding context help me understand?

• What does it reveal about God and following Jesus?

• How does it challenge or encourage me personally?

Look up unfamiliar terms and note questions you still have. Reach out to Anna when you need help understanding something.

Choose a few helpful questions

Review the provided questions and identify the ones that will help your group understand the passage and connect it to everyday life.

Prepare a mix of questions that help people:

• Observe: Notice what the passage says.

• Interpret: Explore what it means.

• Apply: Consider how to put it into practice.

Have a few follow-up questions ready, such as “What makes you say that?” or “What might that look like in your life?”

You don’t need to get through every question. Leave room to listen and follow a meaningful conversation.

Plan a simple flow

T-Life Groups meet at least twice per month. Plan your gatherings to include these essential components:

• Prayer: Pray with, for, and over one another.

• Scripture and application: Explore the Bible and consider how to put it into practice.

• Interactive conversation: Make room for members to contribute and learn together.

• Relational connection: Allow time for people to connect and share life.

• Relevant engagement conversations: Include information or conversations requested by T-Life Group ministry leadership.

Keep your agreed start and end times in mind, and protect time for prayer rather than leaving it to whatever minutes remain.

Groups are asked to take communion together at least three times each year, typically in February, June, and October. Watch leader communications for reminders and guidance, and make room for communion in your gathering plan.

Prepare the space and communicate

Make sure the meeting location is ready and everyone has the details they need. Arrange seating so people can see and hear one another, and limit distractions where possible.

Have your Bible, questions, and any study materials ready. Invite group members to help with hospitality or other practical needs.

Arrive ready to pay attention

Your preparation gives you a starting point. Once people arrive, listen to what’s happening in their lives and respond thoughtfully.

Some weeks, a significant need will require more time for care and prayer. Other weeks, a question will deserve more discussion than you expected. Use your plan to guide the gathering while staying attentive to your people.

Leading as a Shepherd

Know, guide, and care for your people.

T-Life Groups are smaller communities where people grow in relationship with Jesus, connect meaningfully in community, and impact others for Jesus.

As a leader, you help create the conditions for that growth. You pay attention to people, learn their stories, guide them toward Jesus, and help them care for one another.

You don’t have to lead perfectly. You’re called to shepherd faithfully.

Begin with your own relationship with Jesus

The life you live shapes the way you lead. Establish regular rhythms spending time in God’s Word, prayer, and putting your faith into practice.

You can lead honestly while you’re still growing. Be willing to learn, acknowledge when you get something wrong, and share how God is working in your life. Your example helps people see what following Jesus looks like in everyday life.

Know the people you’re leading

Every person brings a story into your group: relationships, experiences, questions, hopes, and hurts. Getting to know those stories helps you care for people more thoughtfully.

Listen for what matters to them. Notice who seems disconnected, who is taking a step of faith, and who may need encouragement. Follow up on what people share.

A simple conversation can open the door:

• “How have you been doing since we last talked?”

• “What has your relationship with Jesus looked like lately?”

• “What would be helpful for me to understand?”

• “How can I pray for you this week?”

Relationships grow through consistent attention, both during group and between gatherings.

Lead with a shepherd’s posture

The way you respond shapes whether people feel comfortable being honest, asking questions, and growing.

Curious, not correcting

Seek to understand before offering an answer. When someone shares something unexpected or difficult, ask a thoughtful question and listen.

Try: “Tell me a little more about that.”

Curiosity helps you understand what someone needs before deciding how to respond.

Humble, not defensive

Receive questions and feedback with openness. You don’t need to protect your image or prove that you have every answer.

Try: “Thank you for telling me. I want to understand.”

When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and take responsibility. Humility helps build trust.

Teachable, not threatened

Stay open to what God may teach you through your group, your coach, and other leaders. Ask for help when you’re unsure.

Try: “I don’t know the answer to that. Let’s explore it together.”

Being teachable gives others permission to keep learning, too.

Intentional, not passive

Pay attention and take a loving next step. Follow up when someone is absent. Make room for a quieter person. Address a recurring tension before it becomes part of the group’s culture.

Try: “I wanted to check in about something I’ve noticed.”

Intentional care often begins with a small action that communicates, “You matter, and I’m paying attention.”

Calm when group life gets messy

People may share painful experiences, disagree, or respond with strong emotions. Slow down, listen, and give yourself room to respond thoughtfully.

Try: “Let’s pause for a moment. I want us to handle this with care,” or “Let’s stop now and pray together.”

You don’t have to resolve every situation in the moment. You can guide the conversation and seek support afterward.

Guide people toward their next step

Help your group connect what they’re learning with how they’re living. Make room for observing, interpreting and applying scripture, prayer, honest conversation, and practical application.

Ask questions such as:

• “What do you notice about this verse/passage?”

• “What does this help us understand about Jesus?”

• “Where does this connect with your life right now?”

• “What might a faithful next step look like this week?”

Encourage them to also take next steps in their faith, or at Relevant as a member of the Body of Christ. Serving, Baptism, Giving, or signing up for Relevant 101 are incredible and often life changing next steps.

People will be at different places in their spiritual journeys. Get to know where they are, encourage their growth, and follow up with interest rather than pressure.

As you notice leadership potential, speak encouragement into it. Give people opportunities to contribute, and connect with Anna about possible next steps toward apprenticing.

Help care become part of your group’s culture

Invite group members to pray for each other, follow up on needs, offer practical help, and celebrate what God is doing.

When someone shares something heavy, begin by listening. Acknowledge what they’ve shared, ask what would be helpful, and make room for prayer before moving toward advice.

You can help your group become a community where people both receive care and learn to care for others.

Know when to involve others

Some needs require support beyond what a T-Life Group can provide. Reaching out is part of wise shepherding.

Stay connected with your coach or Network Lead. Contact Anna when you’re unsure how to respond, a group tension continues, or someone’s needs seem beyond what you or the group can offer. She can help you think through next steps and connections to additional care.

You are responsible for how you lead and respond. You cannot make someone’s decisions for them or carry responsibility for their transformation.

A simple check-in

Take a moment regularly to ask:

• Who in my group needs a personal check-in?

• Whose story do I need to understand better?

• Where do I see growth I can encourage?

• Is there a conversation or next step I’ve been putting off?

• Where do I need help from my coach or Anna?

Faithful shepherding grows through these everyday choices: showing up, listening well, caring consistently, and pointing people toward Jesus.

Your Role + Responsibilities

Understand expectations and available support.

As a T-Life Group Leader, you shepherd a smaller community of people at Relevant toward a transformed life. You help people grow in relationship with Jesus, connect meaningfully in community, and impact others for Jesus.

That happens through consistent, intentional care: creating space, knowing your people, guiding conversation, and pointing them toward Jesus.

What you’re here to do

Model the way.
Continue pursuing Jesus in your own life. Make room for Scripture, prayer, and spiritual growth, and practice what you’re inviting your group to experience. Lead with humility and a willingness to keep learning.

Create space for authentic relationships.
Help people feel welcomed, known, and included. Learn their stories, make room for different voices, and establish expectations that help your group treat one another with care and respect.

Guide your group toward Jesus.
Prepare for your gatherings and facilitate meaningful conversation around Scripture and the group’s study. Help people consider how what they’re learning connects to everyday life. Give group members room to contribute, ask questions, and take steps of faith.

Help your group care for one another.
Notice when someone is struggling or has been absent. Listen, pray, and follow up. Encourage group members to support and serve each other so that care becomes part of your group’s culture.

Encourage your group to impact others for Jesus.
Help your group look beyond itself. Encourage people to serve, build relationships, and recognize opportunities to share Jesus with others.

Your leadership commitment

T-Life Group Leaders commit to:

• Lead for at least one full year, investing in the relationships and growth of their group.

• Stay connected with their T-Life Group Coach, Network Lead and Anna for encouragement, support, guidance, and questions.

• Engage in ongoing equipping, including ReCharge, leader communications, videos, and equipping meetings.

Leadership is something you continue growing into. Staying connected helps you lead with support and remain aligned with the direction of T-Life Groups at Relevant.

Relational Ministry Action

Shepherding continues between group gatherings. These Relational Ministry Action rhythms help you build relationships and stay connected with your people.

One appointment each month

Connect personally with a group member or a small huddle of members. Meet for coffee, share a meal, or make time for a conversation.

Use this time to learn how they’re doing, hear what’s happening in their life, and understand how you can encourage and pray for them.

Two contacts each week

Reach out to people in your group through a text or phone call outside your regular gathering.

Follow up on something they shared, ask how you can pray, or offer encouragement. When someone misses group, let them know they were missed and check in with care.

One Round Up each month

Invite your group to participate together in the life of Relevant—for example, sitting together at a Sunday morning gathering, attending Encounter, or participating in Serve Day.

These shared experiences help your smaller community stay connected to the larger church.

You have support

You don’t need to have every answer or carry every need yourself.

Stay connected with your coach and reach out to Anna when you need help with group dynamics, leadership questions, or a situation that needs additional care. Part of shepherding wisely is recognizing when to involve others.

Your role is to faithfully know, care for, and guide your people toward Jesus. You can take that responsibility seriously while trusting God with their growth.

Keep the full position description handy

The T-Life Group Leader Position Description includes the complete leadership qualifications, responsibilities, onboarding steps, commitments, and expectations.

Manage Your Group in the Hub or Lead App

Keep your group roster current.

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At least once each trimester, review and update your T-Life Group roster. Add people who have joined your group and remove those who are no longer attending. You can make updates anytime someone joins or leaves.

An accurate roster helps us know who is connected to your group and keeps group information current.

Your Once-a-Trimester Check

• Review your full member list.

• Add anyone who has joined but isn’t listed.

• Remove people who are no longer part of your group.

• If you’re unsure whether someone plans to continue, check in with them before removing them. Missing a few weeks doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve left.

You can update your roster through the Hub on a computer or through the Lead app.

Option 1: The Hub on a Computer

Open Your Group

1. Sign in to the Hub.

2. Select Groups from the menu on the left.

3. Select My Groups.

4. Select your T-Life Group.

Remove a Member

1. Hover over the person’s name to reveal a checkbox.

2. Select the checkbox.

3. Click Remove from Group when it appears at the bottom of the screen.

Add a Member

1. Click Add New Member above the member list.

2. Search for the person by name.

3. Select their name.

4. Assign their role as Member.

5. Click Add to Group.

Option 2: The Lead App

Open Your Group

1. Sign in using the same username and password you use for the Hub.

2. Tap Groups at the bottom of the screen.

3. Select your T-Life Group.

4. Select Members.

Remove a Member

1. Find the person in your member list.

2. Swipe left on their name to remove them.

Add a Member

1. Tap the + in the top-right corner.

2. Search for the person by name.

3. Tap their name to add them.

Need Help?

If you can’t find someone, access your group, or complete an update, contact Anna at anna@relevantcommunity.org.

Navigating Polarizing Conversations in T-Life Groups

Listen with care, protect unity, and keep Jesus central.

The early Church navigated difficult disagreements. We shouldn’t be surprised when they arise in our groups, too.

People bring real questions, experiences, hurts, and convictions into community. Making room for honest conversation matters. So does guiding that conversation in a way that protects people and keeps our shared purpose in view.

As a shepherd, you can help your group listen well and remain united in Jesus—even when people disagree.

Decide whether the conversation will help your group

You don’t need to open every polarizing topic for group discussion. Consider whether your group can listen respectfully and whether the conversation will help people follow Jesus and care for one another.

Our Group Agreement keeps political debates and divisive arguments out of group. You can acknowledge how an event is affecting someone without opening a debate about competing positions.

You might say:

“I hear that this has been weighing on you. Can you help us understand how it’s affecting you and how we can care for you, without turning this into a debate?”

If you don’t believe the conversation can remain constructive, redirect it. You have permission to stop an unhealthy conversation.

Set expectations before going further

Explain that the purpose is to understand and care for one another. While someone shares, ask others to listen without interrupting, rebutting, or preparing their response.

Make these expectations clear:

• Speak from your own experience rather than assuming others’ motives.

• Listen to understand.

• Avoid accusations, ridicule, and demeaning language.

• Give others room to contribute.

• Respect the leader’s direction when it is time to pause or move on.

You might say:

“If we talk about this, we need to listen without trying to win each other over. We can be honest about what we’re carrying while treating one another with care.”

Listening does not mean endorsing every statement. If someone becomes disrespectful or targets another person, intervene rather than allowing the behavior to continue.

Pause a conversation that is becoming unhealthy

Watch for interruptions, rising hostility, repeated arguments, or comments that dismiss or demean people.

Respond calmly and clearly:

“I know this matters deeply to many of us, but this conversation is no longer moving in a helpful direction. Let’s pause. We’re here to follow Jesus and care for one another, and we need to protect that.”

If someone has been hurt, acknowledge it. Offer to follow up personally rather than asking the group to resolve everything in the moment.

You can pause the discussion, pray, and seek guidance from your coach or Anna before deciding what comes next.

Redirect gossip and speculation

Sharing a personal concern is different from repeating rumors, assigning motives, or inviting others to criticize someone who isn’t present.

When concerns about church leadership or another person arise, listen without joining in speculation.

You might say:

“Thank you for telling me this is concerning you. I don’t want us to guess about someone’s motives or discuss details we can’t verify. Let’s connect with someone who can help address the concern.”

For ordinary questions or misunderstandings, help the person connect with the appropriate leader. You may offer to help arrange the conversation or attend as support.

Seeking appropriate help, raising a legitimate concern, or reporting harm is not gossip. Concerns about abuse, threats, or safety should follow When to Contact Anna. Do not require someone to confront the person involved before receiving help.

Emphasize unity over agreement

Your group does not need to reach the same conclusion on every issue to remain united in Jesus.

Remind people of what you share: a commitment to follow Jesus, love one another, and help others experience His transforming work.

Ask:

• “How can we honor Jesus in the way we respond?”

• “What would loving one another look like here?”

• “Is there a practical way we can pray, serve, or care for someone affected?”

The pain and brokenness around us can stir compassion and move us toward faithful action. Help your group respond with prayer, care, and a renewed commitment to sharing the hope of Jesus.

Unity also requires honesty and accountability. It should never become a reason to ignore harm or silence someone who needs help.

Follow up after the conversation

Check in with anyone who seemed hurt, unsettled, or unheard. Ask how they experienced the conversation and listen without defending every decision you made.

If someone crossed a boundary, speak privately about the behavior and its effect on the group. Revisit the Group Agreement when shared expectations need clarification.

Contact your coach or Anna if the tension continues or you need help planning a response.

You have support

Thank you for shepherding your group with compassion, wisdom, and courage. These conversations can be difficult, and you don’t have to navigate them alone.

If you need help thinking through a situation, email me. I’d also love to sit down over coffee and talk it through.

Anna Thomas
anna@relevantcommunity.org