Leading as a Shepherd

Know, guide, and care for your people.

T-Life Groups are smaller communities where people grow in relationship with Jesus, connect meaningfully in community, and impact others for Jesus.

As a leader, you help create the conditions for that growth. You pay attention to people, learn their stories, guide them toward Jesus, and help them care for one another.

You don’t have to lead perfectly. You’re called to shepherd faithfully.

Begin with your own relationship with Jesus

The life you live shapes the way you lead. Continue making room for Scripture, prayer, and putting your faith into practice.

You can lead honestly while you’re still growing. Be willing to learn, acknowledge when you get something wrong, and share how God is working in your life. Your example helps people see what following Jesus looks like in everyday life.

Know the people you’re leading

Every person brings a story into your group: relationships, experiences, questions, hopes, and hurts. Getting to know those stories helps you care for people more thoughtfully.

Listen for what matters to them. Notice who seems disconnected, who is taking a step of faith, and who may need encouragement. Follow up on what people share.

A simple conversation can open the door:

• “How have you been doing since we last talked?”

• “What has your relationship with Jesus looked like lately?”

• “What would be helpful for me to understand?”

• “How can I pray for you this week?”

Relationships grow through consistent attention, both during group and between gatherings.

Lead with a shepherd’s posture

The way you respond shapes whether people feel comfortable being honest, asking questions, and growing.

Curious, not correcting

Seek to understand before offering an answer. When someone shares something unexpected or difficult, ask a thoughtful question and listen.

Try: “Tell me a little more about that.”

Curiosity helps you understand what someone needs before deciding how to respond.

Humble, not defensive

Receive questions and feedback with openness. You don’t need to protect your image or prove that you have every answer.

Try: “Thank you for telling me. I want to understand.”

When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and take responsibility. Humility helps build trust.

Teachable, not threatened

Stay open to what God may teach you through your group, your coach, and other leaders. Ask for help when you’re unsure.

Try: “I don’t know the answer to that. Let’s explore it together.”

Being teachable gives others permission to keep learning, too.

Intentional, not passive

Pay attention and take a loving next step. Follow up when someone is absent. Make room for a quieter person. Address a recurring tension before it becomes part of the group’s culture.

Try: “I wanted to check in about something I’ve noticed.”

Intentional care often begins with a small action that communicates, “You matter, and I’m paying attention.”

Calm when group life gets messy

People may share painful experiences, disagree, or respond with strong emotions. Slow down, listen, and give yourself room to respond thoughtfully.

Try: “Let’s pause for a moment. I want us to handle this with care.”

You don’t have to resolve every situation in the moment. You can guide the conversation and seek support afterward.

Guide people toward their next step

Help your group connect what they’re learning with how they’re living. Make room for Scripture, prayer, honest conversation, and practical application.

Ask questions such as:

• “What does this help us understand about Jesus?”

• “Where does this connect with your life right now?”

• “What might a faithful next step look like this week?”

Encourage them to also take next steps in their faith, or at Relevant as a member of the Body of Christ. Serving, Baptism, Giving, or signing up for Relevant 101 are incredible and often life changing next steps.

People will be at different places in their spiritual journeys. Get to know where they are, encourage their growth, and follow up with interest rather than pressure.

As you notice leadership potential, speak encouragement into it. Give people opportunities to contribute, and connect with Anna about possible next steps toward apprenticing.

Help care become part of your group’s culture

Invite group members to pray for each other, follow up on needs, offer practical help, and celebrate what God is doing.

When someone shares something heavy, begin by listening. Acknowledge what they’ve shared, ask what would be helpful, and make room for prayer before moving toward advice.

You can help your group become a community where people both receive care and learn to care for others.

Know when to involve others

Some needs require support beyond what a T-Life Group can provide. Reaching out is part of wise shepherding.

Stay connected with your coach or Network Lead. Contact Anna when you’re unsure how to respond, a group tension continues, or someone’s needs seem beyond what you or the group can offer. She can help you think through next steps and connections to additional care.

You are responsible for how you lead and respond. You cannot make someone’s decisions for them or carry responsibility for their transformation.

A simple check-in

Take a moment regularly to ask:

• Who in my group needs a personal check-in?

• Whose story do I need to understand better?

• Where do I see growth I can encourage?

• Is there a conversation or next step I’ve been putting off?

• Where do I need help from my coach or Anna?

Faithful shepherding grows through these everyday choices: showing up, listening well, caring consistently, and pointing people toward Jesus.

Your Role + Responsibilities

Understand expectations and available support.

As a T-Life Group Leader, you shepherd a smaller community of people at Relevant toward a transformed life. You help people grow in relationship with Jesus, connect meaningfully in community, and impact others for Jesus.

That happens through consistent, intentional care: creating space, knowing your people, guiding conversation, and pointing them toward Jesus.

What you’re here to do

Model the way.
Continue pursuing Jesus in your own life. Make room for Scripture, prayer, and spiritual growth, and practice what you’re inviting your group to experience. Lead with humility and a willingness to keep learning.

Create space for authentic relationships.
Help people feel welcomed, known, and included. Learn their stories, make room for different voices, and establish expectations that help your group treat one another with care and respect.

Guide your group toward Jesus.
Prepare for your gatherings and facilitate meaningful conversation around Scripture and the group’s study. Help people consider how what they’re learning connects to everyday life. Give group members room to contribute, ask questions, and take steps of faith.

Help your group care for one another.
Notice when someone is struggling or has been absent. Listen, pray, and follow up. Encourage group members to support and serve each other so that care becomes part of your group’s culture.

Encourage your group to impact others for Jesus.
Help your group look beyond itself. Encourage people to serve, build relationships, and recognize opportunities to share Jesus with others.

Your leadership commitment

T-Life Group Leaders commit to:

• Lead for at least one full year, investing in the relationships and growth of their group.

• Stay connected with their T-Life Group Coach for encouragement, support, guidance, and questions.

• Engage in ongoing equipping, including ReCharge, leader communications, videos, and equipping meetings.

Leadership is something you continue growing into. Staying connected helps you lead with support and remain aligned with the direction of T-Life Groups at Relevant.

Relational Ministry Action

Shepherding continues between group gatherings. These Relational Ministry Action rhythms help you build relationships and stay connected with your people.

One appointment each month

Connect personally with a group member or a small huddle of members. Meet for coffee, share a meal, or make time for a conversation.

Use this time to learn how they’re doing, hear what’s happening in their life, and understand how you can encourage and pray for them.

Two contacts each week

Reach out to people in your group through a text or phone call outside your regular gathering.

Follow up on something they shared, ask how you can pray, or offer encouragement. When someone misses group, let them know they were missed and check in with care.

One Round Up each month

Invite your group to participate together in the life of Relevant—for example, sitting together at a Sunday morning gathering, attending Encounter, or participating in Serve Day.

These shared experiences help your smaller community stay connected to the larger church.

You have support

You don’t need to have every answer or carry every need yourself.

Stay connected with your coach and reach out to Anna when you need help with group dynamics, leadership questions, or a situation that needs additional care. Part of shepherding wisely is recognizing when to involve others.

Your role is to faithfully know, care for, and guide your people toward Jesus. You can take that responsibility seriously while trusting God with their growth.

Keep the full position description handy

The T-Life Group Leader Position Description includes the complete leadership qualifications, onboarding steps, commitments, and expectations.

HUB: How to Add or Remove People from Your T-Life Group

At a minimum of once a trimester, we ask all T-Life Group leaders to manage their group in the HUB by removing members who are no longer attending, and making sure to add new members who have joined their group. Here’s how to do it from your computer or the Lead app.

How to Add or Remove People from Your T-Life Group

There are two ways you can add or remove members from your T-Life Group.

Option 1: The Hub on a Computer

1. Sign in to The Hub.

2. Select Groups from the menu on the left-hand side of your screen.

3. Select My Groups.

4. From the group list, select your T-Life Group.

To Remove a Member

1. Move your mouse over the person’s name and a checkbox will appear.

2. Click the checkbox.

3. Remove from Group will pop up automatically at the bottom of the screen.

4. Click Remove from Group.

5. Done!

To Add a Member

1. Click Add New Member — the blue elongated circle above the list of members.

2. Search for the person you wish to add by name.

3. Click on their name once it appears.

4. Assign their role as Member.

5. Click Add to Group.

6. Done!

Option 2: Lead App

1. Sign in to the Lead App using the same username and password you use for The Hub.

2. Click the Groups tab on the far left at the bottom.

3. Select your T-Life Group.

4. Select Members.

To Remove a Member

1. Swipe left on the member you wish to remove.

2. Done!

To Add a Member

1. Click the + sign in the top right corner.

2. Type in the name of the person you’d like to add.

3. Click on their name once it appears.

4. Done!

Navigating Polarizing Conversations in T-Life Groups

The early Church had to navigate polarizing conversations, so it shouldn’t surprise us when we have to do the same from time to time.

It isn’t easy. If these conversations aren’t shepherded well, they can lead to destructive conflict, hurt, division, and eventually the breakdown of a group.

If we want healthy and transformational T-Life Groups, we need to create space for open and authentic conversation where people feel safe to share what is on their hearts. But that kind of honesty has to be shepherded in a healthy way.

As many of us know, conversations around polarizing topics can easily go off the rails. As shepherds, it is our responsibility to guide our groups back toward unity, even when there is disagreement, frustration, hurt, or anger.

It is up to you whether you allow these types of conversations to take place in your group. Some groups may be mature enough to handle them well, and others may not be. If you do allow them, here are a few ways to lead those conversations constructively.

1. Set Expectations

As group members speak honestly, do not allow interruptions, pushback, correction, or debate. Everyone should be free to express what they are feeling while the rest of the group practices being quick to listen and slow to respond.

We are called to accept one another with love and unity, even when we do not fully agree. That means we do not reject, demean, dismiss, or try to impose our opinions on others.

If you do not believe this kind of respectful conversation is possible in your group, do not allow the conversation to begin. If a conversation starts and begins to spiral, lovingly shut it down.

Sometimes leaders feel like they do not have permission to stop an unhealthy conversation, but as shepherds, we are expected to protect the health and unity of the group.

You might say something like:

“I know this matters deeply to many of us, but I don’t think this conversation is moving in a healthy or helpful direction. Let’s pause here and remember our goal is to pursue unity, listen well, and honor one another.”

2. Do Not Allow Gossip or Complaining

Sharing feelings, concerns, hurts, and misunderstandings is different from gossip, complaining, or demeaning opinions about people or situations we may not fully understand.

For example, it is not uncommon for people to express frustration about church leadership or have strong opinions about what leaders should or should not be doing. T-Life Groups are not the place for gossip, accusation, or speculation.

Gossip spreads quickly, and as shepherds, we need to be diligent in protecting the people under our care and the unity of the Church.

If this happens in your group, a constructive response could be:

“We love you, and we hear your frustration. But this is not the best place to process these kinds of concerns. The healthiest thing we can do is go directly to the source so there can be clarity, understanding, and resolution.”

You may even consider helping set up a conversation with the appropriate person and offering to attend as support.

It is easy for all of us to form opinions, especially when we lack context or information. Going directly to the source is the best way to prevent negativity, falsehoods, assumptions, and misunderstandings from spreading.

3. Emphasize Unity Over Agreement

If your group wants to talk about current events, remember that the goal is not for everyone to land in the exact same place on every issue. The goal is to remain united in Jesus.

None of the brokenness in our world is a surprise to God. What God does not want, and what the enemy would love, is for the people of Jesus to become divided, distracted, and ineffective over the conflicts of the world around us.

The best response from the Body of Christ is not to argue and bicker over opinions, but to unite around our shared mission: helping people know Jesus and live transformed.

Current events often remind us how deeply broken our world is. Evil, pain, injustice, and suffering have been part of the human story since the fall, and they will continue until Jesus returns.

But this should not lead us to despair or division. It should give us urgency.

Urgency to be the light of the world.
Urgency to share the hope of Jesus.
Urgency to invite people into community.
Urgency to create spaces where people can be known, loved, challenged, prayed for, and pointed toward Christ.

Our unity does not require uniformity. We can disagree on many things and still be deeply united in Jesus, His mission, and His Church.

Final Encouragement

Thank you for shepherding your group with strength, compassion, wisdom, and love. These moments are not always easy, but they matter.

Healthy leaders do not avoid hard conversations, but they also do not allow those conversations to take over, divide, or damage the group. Your role is to shepherd the room, protect unity, and keep pointing people back to Jesus.

If you need help navigating a difficult conversation in your group, I’m here. You can email me anytime, or if you’d like to grab coffee, few things would delight me more.

Get on my calendar

Anna