Protecting Unity

Keep Jesus central and care for one another through differences.

T-Life Groups bring together people with different experiences, personalities, and perspectives. Unity grows as we follow Jesus together, treat one another with respect, and stay connected to the mission at Relevant.

As a leader, help your group make room for honest questions while protecting the relationships and purpose you share.

Keep your shared purpose visible

Remind your group why you gather: to grow in relationship with Jesus, connect meaningfully in community, and impact people for Jesus.

Return to that purpose when conversations begin pulling the group in another direction.

You might say:

“Let’s bring this back to how we’re following Jesus and caring for one another.”

Make room for differences

People can ask questions, express uncertainty, and see something differently while remaining committed to one another.

Model curiosity before correction. Ask people to explain what they mean, listen carefully, and bring the conversation back to Scripture.

Try:

• “Help me understand what you mean.”

• “What in the passage leads you to that understanding?”

• “How can we talk about this respectfully, even if we see it differently?”

If a question involves Relevant’s beliefs or ministry direction and you’re unsure how to answer, follow up with Anna rather than guessing.

Redirect divisive conversations

The Group Agreement makes clear that political debates, gossip, and divisive arguments can pull the group away from Jesus and its purpose.

When that happens, respond calmly and directly:

“I’m going to pause us here. We’ve agreed to keep our group focused on Jesus and avoid political debates. Let’s return to our discussion.”

Or:

“We can disagree without criticizing one another. Let’s slow down and listen.”

Address the conversation early instead of waiting until people become more frustrated.

If the conversation continues to devolve, don’t hesitate to stop and lead the group in prayer.

Address hurt rather than avoiding it

Protecting unity includes responding when someone has been dismissed, embarrassed, or treated unkindly. Moving on without

Commitment and Attendance

Encourage consistent connection and participation.

Relationships deepen when people show up, participate, and invest in one another. Consistent attendance helps your group build trust and grow together.

As a leader, communicate expectations clearly and respond to absences with curiosity and care. Help people understand that their presence matters.

Inconsistent members can cause disruption to the group, so its important to address it with intentionality and care.

Explain why commitment matters

When you discuss the Group Agreement, connect attendance with the purpose of your group.

You might say:

“Getting to know one another takes time together. When you’re here, you bring something valuable to the group, and your presence helps us build those relationships.”

Encourage members to make group a priority while recognizing that illness, work, family responsibilities, and unexpected circumstances sometimes interfere.

Make communication simple

Confirm your meeting schedule, start and end times, and location. Let people know how you’ll communicate changes.

Ask members to notify you or the group chat ahead of time when they can’t attend, whenever possible. They don’t need to share personal details publicly to explain an absence.

Model the same consideration by communicating clearly and respecting the agreed meeting times.

Check in when someone is absent

Reach out personally so they know they were missed. Start with connection rather than asking them to justify why they weren’t there.

Try:

“We missed you last night! How are you doing?”

Or:

“Just checking in—anything we can be praying about this week?”

If appropriate, share a brief update about the study or upcoming plans. Keep other members’ personal stories and prayer requests private unless you have permission to share them.

Get curious about a pattern

If someone repeatedly misses gatherings or stops responding, invite a private conversation. Avoid assuming that inconsistent attendance means they don’t care.

Ask:

• “How has being part of the group been for you?”

• “Is something making it difficult to attend?”

• “Are the meeting time and expectations workable for you?”

• “Is there anything about the group experience we should talk through?”

Listen for practical barriers, a difficult season, uncertainty about belonging, or concerns that need attention.

Agree on a realistic next step

Once you understand more, talk honestly about what participation could look like.

A next step might be clarifying the schedule, arranging a ride if someone can help, addressing a concern, or agreeing on how to stay connected during a temporary absence.

If the group’s schedule no longer works for someone, involve Anna in exploring options. Avoid promising a different group or arrangement before checking what’s available.

You can be compassionate while still naming the importance of consistent participation.

Make returning feel welcoming

When someone comes back after an absence, greet them warmly. Avoid jokes or public comments about how long they’ve been gone.

Help them reconnect with the discussion and the people around them. Continue inviting them into the life of the group without putting them on the spot.

Encourage shared ownership

Commitment includes how people participate when they’re present and how they care for one another between gatherings.

Invite members to contribute in manageable ways: welcoming someone, helping with refreshments, praying for another member, or participating in a group serving opportunity.

Let people know their contribution matters. Avoid using responsibilities to pressure someone into attending.

Know when to ask for help

Contact your Network Lead or Anna when a pattern continues, a conversation becomes difficult, or you’re unsure how to balance care with clear expectations.

Your role is to communicate, invite, listen, and follow up. Each person is responsible for their response.

Sometimes, members may need to withdraw until they can commit to regular attendance. That’s okay. We’re here to support you through that conversation if necessary.

Confidentiality and Trust

Handle personal information with care.

Trust grows when people know their stories will be treated respectfully. As a leader, help your group understand how to protect personal information—and when caring for someone means involving additional help.

Set expectations before people share

Discuss confidentiality when you introduce the Group Agreement. Revisit it when new members join and whenever your group needs a reminder.

Explain that personal stories, struggles, and prayer requests should not be repeated outside the group without permission. This includes sharing with a spouse, friend, another group, or on social media.

Avoid promising absolute secrecy. Relevant’s three hurts policy requires leaders to involve appropriate help when someone is hurting themselves, someone is hurting them, or they are hurting someone else. Read When to Contact Anna for what to do next.

Let people decide how much to share

Invite honesty without requiring personal disclosure. Someone can participate meaningfully while choosing to keep parts of their story private.

Ask thoughtful questions, but avoid pressing for details or asking someone to explain why they aren’t ready to share.

You can say: “Share what you’re comfortable sharing. It’s okay to pass.”

Ask before passing information along

Before sharing a prayer request or arranging help, ask what the person is comfortable having others know.

Try:

• “Would you like this included in the group text?”

• “What would you be comfortable with me sharing?”

• “May I ask a few people to help with meals without sharing the details?”

Permission to share something during a gathering does not automatically mean permission to repeat it elsewhere.

Use group messages thoughtfully

A group text is helpful for encouragement, logistics, and prayer. Remember that it may include people who weren’t present when something was shared.

Ask permission before posting personal updates, and avoid forwarding messages or sharing screenshots. Keep sensitive follow-up conversations private.

If you need Anna’s guidance, contact her directly rather than discussing the situation in a group thread.

Understand the three hurts exception

Relevant’s three hurts policy requires leaders to involve appropriate help when someone is hurting themselves, someone is hurting them, or they are hurting someone else.

These concerns should not remain only between you and the person sharing. Follow the emergency and reporting guidance in When to Contact Anna.

You might say:

“I’m glad you told me. I care about you, and this is something I can’t keep just between us. We need to involve people who can help.”

Share information with those who need it to respond and support the people involved. This exception is not permission to discuss the situation broadly.

Respond when trust is broken

If personal information is repeated without permission, address it rather than ignoring it.

Connect privately with the person whose information was shared. Listen to the impact and ask what support would be helpful. Avoid promising that you can control who has already heard it.

Speak directly with the person who shared the information. Clarify the expectation, ask them to stop passing it along, and help them take responsibility for the harm. If you were the person who shared it, acknowledge that honestly and apologize.

Reach out to Anna when the situation is sensitive, the harm continues, or you need help deciding how to respond.

Protect trust through your example

Speak respectfully about group members when they aren’t present. Avoid using someone’s story as an illustration without permission, even if you leave out their name.

When you need guidance about an ordinary leadership question, begin without identifying details where possible. When safety concerns or reporting responsibilities are involved, provide the information needed to get appropriate help.

Consistent care with people’s information helps your group become a place where honesty, respect, and meaningful relationships can grow.