Handle personal information with care.
Trust grows when people know their stories will be treated respectfully. As a leader, help your group understand how to protect personal information—and when caring for someone means involving additional help.
Set expectations before people share
Discuss confidentiality when you introduce the Group Agreement. Revisit it when new members join and whenever your group needs a reminder.
Explain that personal stories, struggles, and prayer requests should not be repeated outside the group without permission. This includes sharing with a spouse, friend, another group, or on social media.
Avoid promising absolute secrecy. Relevant’s three hurts policy requires leaders to involve appropriate help when someone is hurting themselves, someone is hurting them, or they are hurting someone else. Read When to Contact Anna for what to do next.
Let people decide how much to share
Invite honesty without requiring personal disclosure. Someone can participate meaningfully while choosing to keep parts of their story private.
Ask thoughtful questions, but avoid pressing for details or asking someone to explain why they aren’t ready to share.
You can say: “Share what you’re comfortable sharing. It’s okay to pass.”
Ask before passing information along
Before sharing a prayer request or arranging help, ask what the person is comfortable having others know.
Try:
“Would you like this included in the group text?”
“What would you be comfortable with me sharing?”
“May I ask a few people to help with meals without sharing the details?”
Permission to share something during a gathering does not automatically mean permission to repeat it elsewhere.
Use group messages thoughtfully
A group text is helpful for encouragement, logistics, and prayer. Remember that it may include people who weren’t present when something was shared.
Ask permission before posting personal updates, and avoid forwarding messages or sharing screenshots. Keep sensitive follow-up conversations private.
If you need Anna’s guidance, contact her directly rather than discussing the situation in a group thread.
Understand the three hurts exception
Relevant’s three hurts policy requires leaders to involve appropriate help when someone is hurting themselves, someone is hurting them, or they are hurting someone else.
These concerns should not remain only between you and the person sharing. Follow the emergency and reporting guidance in When to Contact Anna.
You might say:
“I’m glad you told me. I care about you, and this is something I can’t keep just between us. We need to involve people who can help.”
Share information with those who need it to respond and support the people involved. This exception is not permission to discuss the situation broadly.
Respond when trust is broken
If personal information is repeated without permission, address it rather than ignoring it.
Connect privately with the person whose information was shared. Listen to the impact and ask what support would be helpful. Avoid promising that you can control who has already heard it.
Speak directly with the person who shared the information. Clarify the expectation, ask them to stop passing it along, and help them take responsibility for the harm. If you were the person who shared it, acknowledge that honestly and apologize.
Reach out to Anna when the situation is sensitive, the harm continues, or you need help deciding how to respond.
Protect trust through your example
Speak respectfully about group members when they aren’t present. Avoid using someone’s story as an illustration without permission, even if you leave out their name.
When you need guidance about an ordinary leadership question, begin without identifying details where possible. When safety concerns or reporting responsibilities are involved, provide the information needed to get appropriate help.
Consistent care with people’s information helps your group become a place where honesty, respect, and meaningful relationships can grow.