So many days I feel like I am wasting my life away; that I am never going to be the man I desire deep in my heart to be; like life is passing me by; that I am not living a great adventure; I am bored, etc. I can feel absolutely hopeless, and life can end up seeming meaningless in times like these. Even worse, the longer these feelings go on, the further away God feels.
The other day I was feeling this in such a heavy way, that all I could do was get alone with God and call on Him in prayer. Sometimes prayer can be really frustrating because it feels like God doesn’t speak when I need Him to the most. On this day, I was determined to sit still, sit in these feelings, and just wait until I heard something. I waited…waited…waited. Nothing. Then…something. A still small voice that is changing my life. “Decide to fully engage.” I didn’t know what that meant at first, but after spending time meditating on it, it became clear to me. Here is what I wrote in my prayer journal.
“God, you invite me every day to LIFE. To an amazing journey with you. Yet, so many days I turn it down, because I am not fully engaged to accept the invitation to be where you are, love who you love, see what you see, and live a life fully in you; because of my selfishness, self-centeredness, sin, laziness, fear, and brokenness. Yet, you continue to invite me to the banquet of life every day. That is amazing to me. Why do I turn you down? Jesus, today I want to accept that invitation. I want to participate. I want to fully engage. Thank you for continuing to invite me.”
I'm not sure if these words resonate with you at all. If they do, I pray they are a blessing and a hope for you.