God gave me a body that….well...let’s just say if I had a receipt, I’d have returned it a long time ago. It hasn’t worked right since I was young, but as the inertia of things goes, more and more things have gone wrong over the years. I’ve had type 1 diabetes since I was young, had a seizure disorder until I was a teenager, and now, I’m in end stage renal failure, on dialysis waiting for a kidney transplant...which has a whole litany of issues in and of itself. As I write this, it sounds terrible, and makes me want to cry...but, there are other things God gave me.
I am finding that maybe...just maybe...God built me for this. See, God also gave me the strengths of adaptability and responsibility. Not that I’m happy all the time about having these issues, but I also don’t want it to stop me from doing...well, anything. In most cases, I’m able to work around my body’s weaknesses. God made scientists who’ve discovered and created ways to make life easier for people with my conditions. God made doctors (and I see probably 85 of them) who know exactly what’s going on and know how to treat them. And...you know what? These doctors and scientists have come up with ways to cure these crazy ailments I have. Even diabetes...it’s not really a cure...more like trading in my busted kidneys and pancreas for shiny new ones (well...slightly used ones, at least). But I won’t complain! Another thing is...I’m not living with pain like some people do. I feel very fortunate there. And yet, those I know that do live in constant pain look at me like they can’t complain about their issues, because they think mine are worse. (Newsflash: I don’t think that...like, at all).
Let’s get to the real point. Sometimes, you have to sit and really dig deep beyond the surface of the issues you’re facing. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself (which I have done...don’t think I haven’t, and it’s a nasty thing for all involved) or only seeing the dark clouds with no silver anything, maybe look for what good has come of your suffering. In the Bible, Paul writes in Romans 8:28 (ESV), “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good...” How do you read that verse? It doesn’t say “For those who love God, only good things will happen.” It says, “All things work together for good.” God has a plan for each person who has claimed Christ as their Savior and Leader of their life. The hard things that happen right now, or for the next month, or for the next few years, or, scarily enough, even till the end of your life, are all part of a bigger plan...a plan so big that it doesn’t just affect you or your family. We may not actually know why we suffer until we meet God in Heaven. But we can rest knowing that we suffer for good.
I remember, when I was maybe 6 or 7, asking my mom why I had to have diabetes. It’s hard to live with for anyone and that was one time (of many since) that I got frustrated by it. My mom told me that she and my dad had asked themselves that same question. She told me that when I was diagnosed with diabetes, at 5 years old, and had been in the ICU for several days, learning about shots and fingersticks and the like, that one of my doctors had pulled them aside. He told them that he was amazed at how quickly we all were learning and adapting to what would become my new normal. He’d diagnosed young diabetics before and said he’d never seen people as calm, collected, and at peace as I was at such a young age and as my parents were with this crazy new routine. That opened a whole conversation my parents were able to have with him about the grace of God and the peace of knowing Christ.
My mom said, with tears in her eyes, that if giving that one doctor an opportunity to see God at work and to hear God’s Word was the only reason that God chose me, in that little town in Georgia, on that doctor’s shift, to get the lifelong diagnosis of an incurable disease with such limitations and risk, that it’s worth it to them.
Now, that story’s not Scripture, by any means, but it has given me peace and hope, especially when I can’t see my silver linings. We don’t know what’s ever happened to that doctor...I don’t even know his name...but if it helped him come to know God, then even I can be good with the craziness of my medical maladies—most of the time anyway.
I, personally, have witnessed love and generosity from people I don’t even know, because of all this. I’m growing more willing to share because I’ve seen what it does, not only for me, but for others as well. God has given me the encouragement that I’m not alone in prayer, in love, and in people who really care for me and for people in my kind of situation. I’ve struggled with telling my story because of, well, my own pride. Maybe a little embarrassment at it all because I’m not perfect and I don’t want people to see that. But I’m finding—slowly but surely—that people need to hear this. Not just my story, but yours too. We’re all broken in one way or another, but God has a bigger plan that we’ll only be able to understand when we meet Him in Heaven. Take heart, and thank God for the opportunities your trials bring—for our own good, and for His glory.